Clarification

Let me make things just a little clearer
I know the truth
The truth about you
The truth about me

Many things have been concealed throughout this mess
But I can uncover every last little thing
I choose to medicate
Prescriptions
Alcohol

Now I have to decide
How far will I go
I do not wish to know all that I do
But I have the access to knowledge that I should never even know exists

I know some have tried to hide the truth and distract me from searching deeper
Nothing stops me forever
Not the sickness
Nor the shaking
Not even the pain

I take back everything I ever said to you

Mixtures of cold and heat swim up and down my body
Screams swell inside and wrench my guts

Delving deeper into my work
My beautiful and easy distractions
The ones that keep me up until 5am
Putting smiles on my faces

For so long I blamed the tear of our intertwined fabrics on myself
On my few outbursts of extreme emotion
And my inability to completely cut the threads that held others in place
But it was never that
It may have worsened the tearing
However, I fought to stitch things in the right manner

Stop haunting my mind
Flashing in and out
The less emotion
The less acknowledgement

The worse it all is